I’m not going to beat around the bush, and I’ve said it before but Argentinian TV is pretty much universally awful. I was in a supermarket the other day and the TV in the corner was tuned to an entertainment show which consisted of 2 young trendy dudes talking to (“Do you have a boyfriend?”) and physically assessing 5 scantily clad female dancers (give us a twirl close-ups on the boobs and arse type of thing). Then a man dressed up as a monkey came on and they asked the girls which one of them was single. The lucky girl stepped forward and gave the monkey a kiss on his monkey cheek whereby he collapsed in mock-ecstasy twitching on the floor.

I am however proud to reveal that there is one light in the darkness that is Argentinian TV and that is Diana Arroz. A play on the Spanish word for rice, this advert (for rice, obviously) made me laugh out loud the first few times I saw it, and I still haven’t got bored of it. The song (which can be heard being sung and hummed all over Buenos Aires) goes “Hoy hice arroz. Lo hice para vos. Yo soy Diana Arroz.” (Today I made rice. I made it for you. I am Diana Arroz.)

I went to Uruguay on Saturday. It’s winter but it’s a nice sunny winter, so why not? If you’ve never been to Buenos Aires you wouldn’t necessarily know it, but it’s a mere 60km across the River Plate (widest river mouth in the world fact fans) from the Buquebus ferry terminal to Colonia de Sacramento, the jewel in Uruguay’s colonial crown.
Colonia is a nice little place, with the emphasis on little, 3 hours easy strolling and you’ve done it. I’ve been before and I’ll go again. In fact this time, I had to go and I’ll need to go again. Colonia you see, has a secret.

A tree, Colonia

When you arrive in Argentina as a tourist and if you’re paying attention you’ll notice the stamp that you get in your passport says Turista 90 Dias. As a tourist I would be just be a little bit excited about getting a stamp in my passport and would play very little attention to the length of time given. However, when you’re actually living (and working) here you have to pay closer attention otherwise you’ll be getting a nice fine when you try to leave, and maybe they won’t let you back in.

Colonia’s dirty secret is that every boat that leaves Buenos Aires for Uruguay has at least five long-term “tourists” on board who need to get a fresh 3 month stamp in their passport. And they’ll get one. Argentinian immigration officers must be aware of what is going on, but they just don’t even bat an eyelid and just stamp you in.  Now that I’m working I have the possibility of getting residency through work, but to be honestly, having seen the hoops I’m going to have to jump through and the money I’m going to have to spend, it’s going to be easier just to jump on a ferry once every 90 days..

Children are resourceful little so-and-sos. What do you do if you live in the Amazon, the temperature never drops below 20c and you want to go sledging?

So, after all the recent corn related excitement I’ve been playing around with something else that I get very excited about, maps. When I was travelling South in Patagonia, I often found myself curious about where I would be on an equivalent point in the Northern Hemisphere.

I don’t mean finding the opposite point on the earth’s surface, simply that if I am at 42ºS, what cities are on or around 42ºN?

I couldn’t find anything that did it on the internet, so I built it. After a quiet long weekend here in Buenos Aires, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the GringoStarr Switchit Latitude Flipper! Catchy name huh?

switchit - Turn Your World Upside Down

It’s fairly simple to use, just type in the name of the place you would like to search for and click the button. For places in the USA, you need to put the state in too, like “Denver, CO” for example.

If you type in somewhere that isn’t in the database, it gets recorded and every day or so I’ll look them up and add them in. Have a play, there are MAPS too, and if you have any comments, please let me know!

Traffic on Avenida 9 de Julio, Buenos Aires. Flickr photo by alex-s

The driving in Buenos Aires is not the worst in South America, but that’s not saying much. When I first came here from Europe travelling in a bus or taxi was one of the most terrifying (or exhilarating if you’ve had a bit to drink) experiences of my life. Traffic in London seems bad when you come from Dorset, then you drive in Paris and things back home seem tame. Go from Paris to Milan or Madrid and things start to get a bit more lively. Then you arrive in Buenos Aires and nothing you’ve seen or known before applies.

When I got back here from Colombia it actually seemed tame here compared to Bogota, but nonetheless things are hectic and I am constantly amazed that more serious accidents don’t occur. Simple things here have always puzzled me like why nobody takes the blindest bit of notice of the lanes. There may be 4 painted on the road but there will be 6 cars lined up as you cross. Indicators have no link to reality. Ever. In fact it is not uncommon to see cars or driving along indicating right for 2 blocks, then the indicator stops and the car goes left.

Last week any puzzlement I may have had about why these basics are ignored was finally cleared up. Talking to some colleagues from Argentina and Holland, we were discussing the process in each country to get a driving licence. Myself and the Dutch guy talked about 15 hour long driving lessons, 30 minutes one-on-one driving tests, theory tests, the works. We then asked the Argentinian about the test here. “Test?” he answered,  “I turned up on my own in my car, he made me reverse into a parking space, showed me one road sign and asked me what it meant, gave me the psychological test and got me to draw a house, a person and a tree, checked my eyesight and that was it, handed me my licence and I drove off again in my car, which wasn’t even insured.”

So there you have it, nobody here drives like they know what they are doing, because in actual fact they don’t know what they are doing.

Lone Star Geyser, Yellowstone

This was a special moment. After one of the worst nights sleep I’d ever had I’d been away from the tent early and been to see Old Faithful. Whilst the geyser itself remains as spectacular as ever (except for the cone which was hacked away for souvenirs by early tourists) the surrounding area has been turned into a geological Disneyland, overrun by coachloads of tourists for whom Yellowstone can be crossed off once they’ve witnessed Old Faithful spouting.

Without a doubt, you have to go and see Old Faithful, a visit to Yellowstone would never be complete without it, but take your time and go and see some of the less well-known geysers and you’ll get to see something truly unique. Getting to Lone Star involves driving 10 minutes past Old Faithful and an hours walk. I was alone for the majority of the walk, apart from squirrels and deer grazing by the river that the path follows. This was good because if nobody was walking away from the geyser it probably meant it hadn’t recently erupted (it has intervals of between 3-4 hours), but bad because I was a little terrified of meeting a bear, and the lack of other walkers increased the possibility of that in my city-slicking mind.

But, I made it to the geyser unscathed, delighted to discover a group of around 20 people already gathered, who told me it was due to erupt within the next hour. And sure enough, 40 minutes later they rhythmic belching and hissing graduated into a fully-fledged jet of scalding water being fired 50 feet into the air, roaring like a small jet plane. It lasted for another 20 minutes or so, then fizzled out. One of the spectators noted the time in the log book, and slowly the group dispersed, witnesses of a unique and beautiful natural display.

I recently posted a status update to Facebook informing the world that I had discovered my local supermarket here in Buenos Aires stocks 17 types of tinned corn, which I found to be a little excessive. A couple of my friends commented that I should buy each one and review it.

Which is exactly what I am going to do. And what’s more I will document it all at CornWars!

Some of the tins in my local supermarket

Drinking in Paraguay, December 2008

This was the local bar in Paraguay, where I was staying with a Peace Corps Volunteer and his family. It was different in two ways. Firstly it was basically somebody’s house, the waitresses were the daughters of the family (both wore Man United tops) and the beer was kept in the fridge in the kitchen. Secondly, you can see the guy on the left being passed a glass. In fact it was the only glass. Everybody bought a bottle of beer and when you got the glass, you filled it up from your bottle, drank all or some of it and passed it on. I liked it.

Balancing Rock, Arches National Park, Utah

I got here early on a beautiful summers day and already it was starting to get seriously hot. I had a lot to do that day so I didn’t stay too long but it’s not a big place so I got to see most of it. It’s a starkly beautiful place, very little vegetation and surreal rock formations all around. The red of the rock and the deep blue of the sky stays imprinted on your brain for a long time.

Balancing Rock View